olympic gymnast: jumps 20 feet in the air, defies all laws of physics, does 10 backflips, defeats voldemort, comes back down and lands perfectly on the balance beam while fireworks go off in the background
me: falls on face trying to put socks on
I’d rather read the iTunes User Agreement.– one of the Amazon reviewers on Fifty Shades of Grey (via quicksummary)
january 2012: this will be my year
july 2012: well shit
beginning of the summer: I'm going to work out every day! I'm going to improve my eating habits! I'm going to do something every day that will help me feel better about myself! I'm going to work on not being sad anymore! I'm going to make new friends and have a lot of fun!
end of July: sleep until 3PM. blog. Eat everything in the house. Don't eat anything. Hate self. Dread school. Avoid all social plans and friends. Become a hermit.
shavingryansprivates: ACCIDENTALLY STEPPING ON YOUR PET IS THE WORST THING EVER THEY TRUSTED YOU AND YOU STEPPED ON THEM AND THEY CAN’T EVEN UNDERSTAND YOUR APOLOGY BECAUSE THEY DON’T SPEAK ENGLISH
why cant i have creepy followers who ask me questions about everything
a dramatic re-enactment of my thoughts while...
me: that's not quite hot enough let me just turn it up to boiling lava.
me: yes good i shall bathe in the waters of mordor.
me: why do we have like 25 different kinds of shampoo?
me: i'ma read the back of this.
me: lather, rinse, repeat?
me: why do i have to repeat is your product so shitty it didn't work the first time?
me: hold the fuck up i have to write fanfic in my head real quick.
me: if water is a renewable resource does that mean every celebrity i've ever loved has showered in this same water before?
me: but you didn't have to cUT ME OFF.
me: did i already wash my hair?
me: i think i did but i don't remember.
me: i'ma do it again.
me: FUCK I REPEATED.
me: well played, pantene pro-v.
me: i wonder what it's like to have sex in the shower.
me: i bet it's awkward.
me: i bet a lot of injuries happen that way.
me: okay time to get out.
me: where the fuck is my towel.
Reblog if you’d like 3 messages from a curious...
Reblog this if you want an anonymous message...
Actually going to cry because Stendan.
With all these Stendan gifs and images on my dash from the ILY episode, I actually think I’m going to go into a Stendan induced coma….
Plot Twist: Your OTP is happy.
dumbpointyanimeshades: my sister downloaded this...
Anyone ever find random glitter on themselves?
betrueto-wh0youare: like where does this shit be coming from? am I a fucking fairy?
FIJI!!!! They should have had Jim Carrey with their flag. Just saying.
There’s 205 counties? Oh okay. That’s cool. *dies waiting*
This is going to take forever. Kill me now.
We’re still on B. I’m going to cry. This is going to take until the next Olympics to get through.
Was the tiny tardis noise really the only recognition that doctor who gets. No. Just no.
My ma went and made crumpets. Are you actually kidding me. Too far ma. Too far.
Feel sad now.
WE INVENTED THE INTERNET. GO BRITAIN. TOTALLY IGNORING THAT I’M IRISH RIGHT NOW BECAUSE BRITAIN.